The beach brain

Since my tumblr is practically an uncharted island full of random posts where noone reads, I might as well type in deep craps to get it to good use. You know, some personal time capsule where it’s buried under tons of other better things to see around the internet.

So I was at the beach in a windy, cloudy afternoon. Eco beach, whatever they call it. It’s a beach about 5 miles away from the main beaches of Kuta and Legian in Bali, where the atmosphere’s a little different because it’s far from the main population of the tourists where everywhere’s shops and tourist objects. Around the way there you can still find rice fields by the sideways and the air was breezy. The sand was dark, the ray of sunlight oozes in randomly between mists of grey clouds, yet it’s so comparably beautiful to other beaches in Bali island. The waves was alright, yet it seems decent that there were many surfers there making good use of it. Like I said, it’s quite far from the crowded population, so there weren’t any walking vendors with random stuffs they’re offering that honestly can sometimes bother my convenience. In this beach it was just a peaceful, wave gliding sounds, hitting the sand as they approached. The view was a beautiful parade of blondie surfers in bikinis and boxers, bi-racial families, childrens, and horses. Yep, horses. The beach was so spacy that some people offered a shore horseback riding experience.

Me myself was there with my family. Besides standing in between wave ends, surfboy surfings and taking pictures, I can’t really figure shit on what else to do. And apparently I had to stay still at that beach for another hour because my sister was meeting her friend and she said she wanted to play around for a while. I was stuck babysitting.

So I improvised, and bluntly started taking random corals from the sands. I felt stupid at first, but it was kind of fun. Most that I found were chipped, broken or ugly. I intended to bring them home as random souvenirs or just any source of inspiration of this inspiration-lacked designer-required brain of mine. Soulless tragedy. As I scraped the craps, I actually found a cool one. A glistening brown, striped shell. I picked it up and then, crap. It has a hole in the center. It was covered with sand so I didn’t know. I meant to toss it back, but then, my hand had a solid grip because my mind and my heart suddenly went to a different place. A place where I often call it a melancholic wonderland, because you can just come back there for no reason, rethinking of your whole life, right there in the most random time I wouldn’t expect.

…

How does it feel to work on yourself to perfection around the ages, that might take years and years in the progress, but then suddenly you realized you’ve missed out on a huge part that you’ve taken for granted, and it turns out your whole self is worthless? How does it feel to be found in the middle of nothing, given hope to be cerished and loved, but you can easily be tossed back just because you’re slightly not good enough? How does it feel to be left out when it’s not even your fault at all?

You can be born beautiful and unique, given the confidence that you will someday rule the world just because you know you’ve got what it takes. Everyone loves you, and nothing could go wrong. But someday, for probably the stupidest reason in existence, like someone steps on you by accident, you will be broken, and the only hope that you have is some stranger that might find you and recognize your troubles. But that doesn’t  even guarantee yourself of any escape of your misery. Neither will that person see the need of fixing you back because there’s no use anyway.

My train of thoughts ran in high speed but then slowly broken off when the sun shone brighter and the clouds were broken off, making them disappear. Then the blue-ish gray ocean that I saw before was then layered with a golden shade with sunlight sprinkle, accompanied with the warmth of the moving air that oozes onto my skin. More surfers emerged, and there’s this one kid, running excitingly into the waves with his surfboard in his tiny arms, lightly tossed it and bounced with the water. He disappeared into the surfing crowd, gliding away fearlessly like the sea is his own. And just like that, my doubts about the world just snapped out of me and the renewed scene of the beach made me happy inside, a flower of smile that rose above the dying skin I had to live with.

Man, I tried surfing. I could barely stand on that Godforsaken board. But the humor of such an innocent kid with a clueless gift, really did brought me back to just being happy. I was reminded that I was on vacation and I was to enjoy every waking second of it, absorbing the greatness of the place I don’t get to see in a daily basis. The beach is one of those miracle places where you feel earth still has the spots untouched by new age’s pollutive sadness. The beach is the place I want to be. Where I want to grow old in, where I want to raise my kids. Just then, I saw a baby girl who can barely crawl, set free on the sand, just crawling with sand all over her. Her parents saw her from a distance, not grumbling about how dirty she was, but they were just happy seeing their daughter embracing the nature under her tiny feet, learning to enjoy her life from the very beginning. 

The beach. I love you, period.

NB I’ll post the photos of eco beach later, seriously, the beach is sick. Nothing like it.

9 months ago  /  1 note

hello from nowhere

Hi. It’s been long since I last blogged, and that’s simply because I had nothing to talk about until right this second. Where I am right now is not where I expected it to be yesterday, since me and my 4 mates are having such a blast travelling the unexpected. Well it’s not we’re somewhere in the middle east or something but it’s just Singapore. Honestly, I don’t know where we’re going to sleep tonight, LOL. So I’d post the details later. Right now I’d look for some hawker food cause I’m starving gawd

10 months ago  /  0 notes

Fuck me senseless

Hi, it’s 12.08 right now in Jakarta, which mean another day had gone and it came to a new one, closer to the deadline of my latest project…which I have no enthusiasm to continue doing whatsoever.

Lately, I’m starting to question the path that I’ve been taking, you know, going to art school. I loved art. Art is something that I get away to, something that can draw me away from my personal problems, and a beauty that I have no problem to keep looking at. But nowadays the studies that I’ve been doing, the assignments that have been piling up upon me, and the merciless tick of the clock just destroys the life of my mood, leaving the senseless body of me doing whatever’s left by the force of a minimum amount of fuck left to give. Art is no longer a beauty, it’s a burden. In the name of grades, reputation and pride, I don’t see what’s there to fight for.

Thankfully, the semester is about to end, so I can take a breather, a real long one, and take the time of my 19th years of life, to actually get some. So by that motivation, I guess I’ll go back to my work now, and wishing every frustrated student out there to get a grip, cause after this, there’ll be nothing ahead of us but our bored minds.

11 months ago  /  0 notes